The Adventures of Online Dating, Part II

If you read my previous post about online dating, by now you may be wondering how things are going.

To be quite honest, things suck.

I’m going to preface what I’m about to say with two absolute truths about me:

I have some patience issues (but you all probably know this by now).
I like meeting guys the old-fashioned way (as much as I don’t like referencing myself and the words “old-fashioned” in the same sentence).

I started this venture back in November or December, and unfortunately I admit I don’t possess the tenacity required to make this quest a success. All told, I think I lasted about two weeks (although my subscription to one of the paid sites doesn’t run out until later this month).

Now I knew going into this that I’d have to wade through flood-like waters to get to solid, reliable, sane “ground” so to speak, but I just don’t have it in me. I’m not a quitter, but some of the situations I came across only served to slowly chip away at what little bit of hope I had left that there are decent, honest, single and legally available, SANE men in our society. At least ones who are looking for love online.

Now I can hear someone (probably a woman, bless her heart) saying “they’re out there, they probably just don’t look like you want them to look.” And I’ll be completely honest with you, you’re probably right. I’ve dated men in the past that I wasn’t immediately physically attracted to, HOWEVER, I initially met them the old-fashioned way (IN PERSON), and it was their personality and character that drew me in and led me to want to give them a chance romantically. And honestly, those have been some of my best relationships, where I was treated like nothing less than a queen.

But let’s be real here, when you’re shopping online, the picture is what draws you in. Until you click on the actual profile, you have nothing else to go by. A pretty face doesn’t guarantee that the person isn’t rotten on the inside, but most of us ARE visual (in this situation) and we’re going to start with looks. Otherwise, you could be on these sites for HOURS at a time, ignoring photos and looking at profiles. I’m sorry, I have a life and don’t have that much time (or commitment) to spend visiting a dating site. As for me personally, a guy doesn’t have to have movie star good looks, but I’m just not one of those women that says “oh, he sounds like he has a GREAT personality.” If I have ZERO attraction to his profile pic, it ain’t happening. That’s just me, being completely honest. Judge not lest ye be judged.

In a nutshell, here’s why I don’t think online dating is for me:

I like face to face communication. I need to be able to look you in your eye, and see your body language, because it usually speaks much louder than what’s coming out of your mouth.
It’s easy to lie when you’re hiding behind a computer and a keyboard (or cell phone, or tablet, or other mobile device). Yes, some people are liars, and they’ll lie whether they’re online or in person. But some guys may feel the need to try to be more than they are, and the ability to hide behind an online persona could tempt them to embellish or otherwise exaggerate their truth. So time served in jail could suddenly become a “sabbatical in which I took some time to find myself.” Uh huh.
Let’s be honest, some guys use online dating just to get laid. Period. And I don’t have the patience to wade through those waters (although I can spot them a mile away).
I prefer to meet in person sooner rather than later, because I don’t like to waste my time (I own and acknowledge my patience issues). And this can cause problems for several reasons (all of which I completely understand):
- It could be perceived as being aggressive (or desperate), and it can also be somewhat intimidating to some men.
- If you’re a guy who is honestly trying to find a good woman, meeting in person can get expensive, even if it is just for a drink or appetizer. And I get that, but I can buy my own drinks and food. I don’t need to set up random meet and greets with total strangers to get a free meal. But since you don’t know anything about me yet, you don’t know this. And yes, I expect you to pay, because if you can’t afford to pay for a simple meet and greet now, you can’t possibly hang with me and the things I want to do as a couple later. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not above paying for a meal, but not until I get to know you much much better. Man, I could go on and on here, but I digress… lol
- I’m a writer, so I know how powerful words can be. Just because a guy can write well doesn’t mean you’ll have chemistry with him in person. So the longer you communicate online, the greater chance that you could fall madly “in like” with him simply because he has a good grasp of the written word. Then you meet him in person weeks later, there’s zero chemistry, and you’re disappointed (to say the least) and feel as though you’ve wasted your time.

The flip side of this coin is I know people who have met people online and are completely happy in their relationships. I even know someone who is getting married soon to someone they met online (after a thorough and rigorous courtship). And let me tell you, he’s a GREAT guy. But admittedly, she had to kiss a lot of frogs to get to him. And I mean that theoretically, not literally. She is every bit a Lady, and a really sweet person, and she completely deserves to have such a great guy.

The bottom line is, I’m making a conscious decision (once again) to remove myself from the dating pool. I’m going to continue to focus on becoming the best me I can be, as I’ve been doing for years now. And if by chance, in the course of living my life and trying and learning new things, I happen to meet a guy, and we happen to hit it off, then so be it. I’m so not even stressed about it, that’s energy I could be putting to good use elsewhere in my life.

What I’ve learned through this experience is I’m happy in my singleness. Seriously. I like that I don’t have to consult with anyone before I make decisions, that I can do exactly what I want when I want. Does it get lonely? Occasionally. Would I prefer companionship? Absolutely. I’d love to have someone special to travel with, or go see a show, or check out a festival or concert with. But a lack of companionship won’t keep me from doing what I want to do or living my life (never has and never will). And you know what? I miss being in love! I miss random kisses on the forehead that unequivocally say I love you, without actually saying a word. And I miss the way a man looks at you when he’s in love with you, like you’re the only woman on the planet, and he’s so proud to have you on his arm. However, I’d much rather be occasionally lonely than perpetually unhappy, having settled for less than I deserve simply so I am not alone. Best believe, I know my worth, and I refuse to settle for less than I deserve. And quite frankly, I deserve A LOT, and I’m not talking about money or material things. I’m a damn good woman, and I deserve a damn good man. You get what you give, and I’m willing to give a lot. To the right man. So until I meet him (IF I even meet him!), I’m going to spend my time enjoying my own company, and let me tell you, I love me some me!

Single till the cows come home (and boy are they LOST),

Angela

Missed Part I? Click here to read it.