The Lochness Monster, Bigfoot, and My Soulmate
I had a conversation a few weeks ago with a co-worker, who is anxiously awaiting the day I tell him I’ve found a good man, and it went something like this: “You can be intimidating Angela, you know that right? You’ve got a house, a nice car, and guys probably think what could I possibly have to offer her?” He goes on to say “And you already know it’s going to take a hell of a man because you don’t tolerate any BS. He’s going to have to be able to hold his own with you. And the sad thing is most men don’t realize that underneath it all, you have a heart of gold and would give him the world if he would only come correct when he steps to you.” And he’s right.
Let’s get one thing straight, I’m hardly made of money. Sometimes there’s a lot more month than money, as my grandmother used to say. I’ve worked very hard for the things I have, and I take good care of them. I’ve also had to learn a few things the hard way (I’ve been through a bankruptcy and a divorce). I never take what I have for granted, because as the saying goes, you could be a simple paycheck away from being homeless.
That being said, it would be nice to meet someone who’s doing as well or better than I am, however, I’m open to other possibilities. I’m perfectly ok with a man who isn’t where he wants to be in life, as long as he’s on his way, and working hard to get there. Let’s face it, I’m at an age where the likelihood of me meeting a man who isn’t divorced and/or doesn’t have children is pretty slim. And that’s ok. But both of those situations can also leave a man with additional financial responsibilities and/or setbacks. I get that.
A guy doesn’t have to make six figures, own a house, or drive a fancy new car in order for me to want to date him. As long as he’s handling his business with what he DOES have, I’m ok with that. Just be honest about your limitations, especially in regards to your time and finances. It helps to set the expectation up front.
For example, if your time is limited because you have a side hustle to make extra cash, or like I mentioned before, you have a child or children that you spend time with, just let me know. I have a very full life of my own, so my time can be limited as well. If your funds are limited, plan the occasional free or low cost date (Google is a beautiful thing for the non-creative). We don’t have to do something that costs money every time we get together. It’s about quality time, not quantity, and showing me I’m a priority. I’m grown enough to know I won’t always be the priority.
And let me just put this out there. If you’re not taking care of your kids (financially or otherwise), I’m not interested. There is no excuse, and you have no business dating (a ‘hook up’ or strictly sexual thing is different than dating, and it’s not something I’m interested in). Besides, a real woman would never date a man who’s not taking care of his kids. If he’s not taking care of his own flesh and blood, what makes you think he’s going to be good to YOU?
I have the utmost respect for a man who knows how to make the most of what he’s got until he gets where he needs to be financially. And sometimes necessity breeds creativity. I had one of the best Valentine’s Day celebrations ever with a man who was going through some serious financial difficulty. He cooked dinner for me, from scratch, to include dessert, and he gave me a beautiful dollar store vase full of flowers hand picked from the side of the road. In fact, I still have that vase. You guys are going to start thinking I’m a hoarder, but I digress (see The Best Present I Ever Received to get in on the joke).
The point is, I was very aware of his financial situation and wasn’t expecting anything, however, he loved me enough to make the day special for me anyway. He put in time and effort instead of stressing about money he didn’t have to spend. And obviously the gesture was much appreciated, as it has stayed with me throughout the years.
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
– Martin Luther King
While it’s true that I don’t need a man to take care of me financially (although I wouldn’t exactly be opposed to the idea), I’d love to have a man take care of me emotionally, and physically (and I don’t just mean sexually).
I’d love a man who understands that sometimes I just need him to listen while I vent, that I don’t always expect him to fix the situation (even though I understand it’s in his nature to want to).
I want a man who understands that sometimes I just need to be touched, whether it be rubbing my shoulders or my back, or snuggling up with me on a rainy day as we binge watch shows together on Netflix.
I need someone who understands that just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I’m angry, or that he’s done something wrong. And just because I want to be by myself sometimes doesn’t mean I love or care about him any less, or that I’m contemplating ending the relationship, or that I’m seeing someone else. I’m a writer, and even if I wasn’t, I require occasional alone time.
I’m past the days of wanting someone to be so tall, so cute, have a certain body type, be a certain age, have a certain kind of job, or make a certain amount of money. I simply want a gentleman, companionship, and respect. And preferably someone not living with his momma. However, if he is living with his momma, and he’s handling his business, and is moving towards getting back on his feet and on his own (cause sometimes life happens), I’m completely ok with that. 🙂
And just to be clear, I’m not asking anyone to come to the table with anything I’m not willing to give in return.
Is that so much to ask for?
Eternally frustrated with the absence of a soulmate (but continuing to live my life anyway, trust me),
Angela